The Sonic The Hedgehog movie trailer just released a few days ago. This trailer gave us a great view of the movie’s version of Sonic. Fans soon realized that view wasn’t so great.
Yes, it’s hideous. Terrifying. I see it in the darkness right before I sleep and it continues to haunt me in my sleep in the form of nightmares.
However, that’s chicken shit compared to the staggering amount Sonic fanfictions that have accumulated on the internet for the past couple of decades.
Sonic The Hedgehog: Here Are Fanfics That Will Make The Devil Go ‘Haha. No.’
We at What’s a Geek!, have sadistically collected our top 5 horrifying Sonic fanfics for your masochistic viewing pleasure. Please sit back, preferably with a bottle of bleach, ready to clean your eyes out, and “enjoy” these works of “art.”
EDITOR’S NOTE: This list will contain smut and profanity. So, if you still haven’t left, now’s your last chance.
Okay, are you all that’s left?
Y’all are sick, bottom-feeding, scum. You know that, right? Good. Anyway, on to the list!
1. A Father’s Love
We’ll ease you in with this story.
Fans of Shadow and Rouge will enjoy the premise. The ship finally got together and started their own family. Unfortunately, something threatens the security of their family and will test Shadow’s resolve as a father.
Pretty compelling stuff, right? It’s not exactly horrifying. Well, unless you try to imagine what a bat-hedgehog offspring would look like. And after that, it’s just so hard to take in seriously.
Imagine the Shadow The Hedgehog game with a bit of extra everywhere. The edginess bleeds off of it like uncooked chicken. Personally, these cartoon anthropomorphized animals called to mind a Heisenberg from Breaking Bad. Except, well, he’s Shadow the Hedgehog.
2. Twat The Night Before Christmas
Okay, friends, we’re getting into the meat and potatoes now.
Ever thought, “Hey, I wish I could ruin my perception of a classic piece of literature forever!” Well, you’ve come to the right piece.
This fanfic tells the story of a Tails who stopped believing in Santa. Vanilla the Rabbit, who acted as Tails’ mother figure in this story, was disappointed that his boyhood innocence has faded. However, she also took this as a sign of maturity and an opportunity to take more innocence from his boyhood.
(if you know what I’m sayin’. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and, oh yes, we’re getting into ARA~ ARA~ territory, y’all.)
Honestly, this story turned out to be… quite the experience. This smutty story explores themes associated with, well, T’was The Night Before Christmas. This also means the author took the liberty of taking the classic poem – twisting it, morphing it, mutilating it – to fit this narrative. What narrative? Well, the narrative of Tails getting some sweet MILF punani.
Buckle your seat belts as I give you a little appetizer of this fine work. Ahem.
” Something sprang from his crotch, so lively and quick
He knew in a moment it must be his dick”
Hoo boy. Compelling literature right there.
3. Tails Fattens Up
You can tell from the title that this little doozy is one of those.
It starts innocent enough: Tails made a cloning machine because, like anyone who’d want to clone themselves, he wanted to have another one of him to do work.
Test clone is made. Order: Give me a sandwich. Simple enough. Then, in true blue Sonic fashion, it goes from 0 to 1,000,000 real fast.
Tails gets horny and his fantasies go off the rails. He makes a dominant, hot to trot, clone of himself with double the D. He gets creamed inside his cornhole and notices he got a little bit thicker because of all the 【ｊｕｉｃｅ】 that’s inside him.
I’ll give you a moment. We good? Okay, so –
Tails realizes he likes this plumper version of himself which leads him to order his next clone to give him more sandwiches. This devolves further as he orders more clones to give him more sausage in his sandwich, stuffing himself on both ends.
Need I say more?
*sigh* Eggman x Sonic. In one line Sonic says,
“Damn Eggy, you are thick! . . . Your ass is like cake! So many layers!”
I don’t feel the need to say anything more and, most importantly, I really don’t want to. So with that, we move on to the final fanfic.
5. S̶o̶n̶i̶c̶ ̶0̶6̶ Sonic’s Ultimate Harem
W̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶m̶e̶a̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶i̶s̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶f̶a̶n̶m̶a̶d̶e̶? S̶o̶n̶i̶c̶ ̶h̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶o̶m̶a̶n̶t̶i̶c̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶a̶ ̶h̶u̶m̶a̶n̶! T̶h̶a̶t̶’̶s̶ ̶b̶e̶s̶t̶i̶a̶l̶i̶t̶y̶! Y̶o̶u̶’̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶e̶l̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶S̶E̶G̶A̶ ̶a̶p̶p̶r̶o̶v̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶h̶i̶t̶? A̶l̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶,̶ ̶a̶l̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶,̶ ̶I̶’̶l̶l̶ ̶p̶i̶c̶k̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶e̶l̶s̶e̶.̶
Sonic’s Ultimate Harem is a 360-chapter work detailing Sonic’s harem experience. Yes, you read that right, this fanfic is THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY ＴＨＩＣＣ ＢＯＩ CHAPTERS, of unadulterated Sonic Pepsi Twist goodness.
This story had Sonic recounting all of his hot sexual encounters to his good friend Mario.
The first chapter of Sonic’s harem starts us out with a little tryst between Rouge and Sonic. The rest of the chapters diversifies and expands his extensive portfolio to anything and everything that moves in the fictional world.
This list goes from Princess Peach to Jill Valentine to Elastigirl to Bulma to Ms. Marvel to – wow, I’m getting dizzy just looking at this list.
Anyway, to give you a glimpse at this masterful work of art, I will now recite several passages from Chapter 174: Princess Daisy
“‘Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uuuuuuuuuuuuhhh! Fuck me Sonic, fuck me like a pornstar! Pound my pussy just like that!’ Daisy squealed”
“Sonic grinned and continuously to ravage Daisy some more with their sexual moment for a few more several minutes”
“‘Hey Sonic.’ Daisy said
‘Hmm.’ Sonic responded
‘Thanks for making love to me.'”
The Super Sonic Conclusion
So, the moral of the story is, y’all Sonic fans don’t get to complain about THIS
when you make fanfics like THESE.
So that’s our list. You think we missed an especially horrible Sonic fanfiction? Please feel free to share the URLs with us on our Facebook and Twitter so we can systematically block and ignore these links.