DISCLAIMER: This post is satire, and the poster is so bad we’re pretty sure it’s fan art. Can we still sit with you? 🙁
Proving that creative bankruptcy won’t stop people from making movies, the sequel to Mean Girls that nobody asked for, Mean Moms, will open on May 8, 2015.
After previous attempts to recreate Marvel’s shared movie universe failed, studio executives are confident that the decade-old Mean Girls, still ranking highly in focus group discussions and still quoted in pop culture outposts such as Tumblr, will create enough demand for Mean Moms, starring Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock, and Cameron Diaz.
“We’ve tried making a shared universe with young adult dystopian books,” one unnamed studio executive said, “but nobody got it when we changed every single aspect of The Giver so it’ll be a more conventional sci-fi thriller than the deep and nuanced story the source material was. I mean, the black-and-white twist at the end? That was smart. That’s why we took it out. Who wants that?”
The studio executive, in between lines of cocaine, spent two more hours ranting how The Giver ripped off everything in The Hunger Games, but failed to make as much money and how audiences just don’t get it.
“But we’re excited to bring in a new movie in the Mean Girls universe,” the coked-out executive finally managed to say after five hours. “We know people are clamoring for the adventures of a group of moms who are totally unconnected to the original movie. And we’re giving it to them. We’re also very happy Sandra Bullock still makes shit career choices even after Gravity. She’s like a female Nicolas Cage.”
The studio executive was last seen in a frenzy, popping open another bottle of champagne and placing an advance order for his third yacht upon receiving the script of the next movie in the Mean Girls universe called Mean Girls Origins: Glenn Coco.
Image Source: The sketchy Mean Moms Facebook Page. Yeah.