Oh God, another WTF Wattpad. This is part 3 of the ultra-edgy gay werewolf love story Claimed by my Bully. I’m sorry, mom. This is not what you wanted for me. I could have been a doctor or engineer, but here I am, reviewing badly-written fiction on Wattpad. I’m sorry. So, so, sorry.
Last time, RJ and his beloved motorcycle ended up in an accident. Surviving the almost-fatal crash, he wakes up to the realization that Marcus, the bully that tortured him all his life, is destined to be his lifelong mate. However, RJ is in love with Adam or Dwayne or somebody and he does not want Marcus touching his jr. After several attempts at courtship involving a gigantic teddy bear, Marcus finally gets RJ to love him back. Through intimidation.
What were you thinking? This is Wattpad. Of course it was going to be an abusive relationship.
Pam: ONWARD, to a few weeks later. Uncle Nate, esteemed Alpha of I Forgot Which Pack, contacts RJ with an important request.
RM: Blue Moon; RJ’s original pack is the Red Moon. No, I am not invested at all. No.
I called him immediately. “What’s up uncle Nate?”
“I need your help”
Okay that was weird. He usually answers with ‘the sky is up’
Ade: *groan* COME THE FUCK ON
“Can you get your drug dealer friend to find someone for me?”
Drug dealer friend? Why can’t Adam do it.
“Umm why me? Adam can…” I trailed off.
“Adam is put on another pack. Will you help me or not?” He asked seriously.
“Fine. Who is it?”
“The name is Michael Foricenzi. He is suspected for killing a member of ours” he spat.
“I’ll see what I can do” I said then hung up.
Great. I just got out of the whole drug thing and now I’m going back in.
Pam: Because all drug pushers should be good at finding other criminals, right…
RM: So, Alpha Nate is asking a member of a different pack, who isn’t an alpha nor is in line (according to the writer) to be an alpha, to talk to his dealer to find a murderer. Yeah, the logic is pretty sound.
Rika: Hooray for made-up names that sound foreign!
“Ha ha. I need you to find Michael Foricenzi” I said dryly.
“You got to be kidding me. Anyone. ANYONE BUT him!” He exclaimed.
“Nope has to be the one.” I said.
“You’re digging yourself a grave” he said seriously.
“And why is that?” I asked curiously.
“I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY BUT THAT DUDE WAS RUMORED TO BE A VAMPIRE!” He shouted over the phone.
Pam: Yay, vampires!
Rika: I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY BUT WHAT THE FUCK. If he’s such a dangerous guy– sorry, ~*vampire*~ WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING ABOUT HIM ON YOUR PHONE????
RM: Guys, I didn’t even read or watch Twilight. Why am I still in this?
Ade: I’m gonna microwave up some popcorn because THIS GON B GUD
Pam: Come back with that popcorn quick because it gets better really quickly. RJ, AKA our brilliant protagonist, after hearing about a psycho-killer ~*vampire*~…
Khan: Is it Justin
Rika: Who the fuck is Justin?!
I quickly change and got ready to jog.
I got out the house without anyone noticing, thank you basement!
The sound of dried leaves breaking. I immediately looked back and saw an unfamiliar guy.
I quickly turned around thinking it was just someone passing by.
Then he was right in front of me. I gasped in shock. How is that even possible? I would’ve notice.
He smirked and move a step closer.
I wanted to move back but I was frozen in fear.
“Sshhhh don’t worry.” He said playfully.
Then I noticed he has something in his hands. He quickly stick it to me, a needle. I feel myself getting lightheaded.
“Sweet dreams you mutt” he said before my world became black.
Pam: You read that right, folks. He decides to go on a jog, without telling anyone, and THEN proceeds to get himself into deep double shit. Brilliance knows no bounds.
Rika: Typical~ Typical~ It’s gotta be typicaaaaaal~~~~
Ade: If only he still had his motorcycle to protect him from the big bad ~*vampire*~
Rika: RIP in peace, motorcycle.
Khan: And in wolf form!
I woke up feeling light headed. I quickly snapped out of it when I realized I was tied down to a chair.
“You’re finally awake” a voice said.
“Who are you?” I asked grimly.
” You should know. You asked someone to look for me.” He said.
He’s Michael Foricenzi?! WHAT THE FUCK! Holy shit I’m going to die.
Rika: Ding ding ding! We have a winner!
Pam: For the record: I’d really like that, RJ.
“Why are you looking for me Mutt?” He asks.
“None of your business” not one of my smartest comebacks but I was on full panic mode.
“You see if you keep withholding information, I would have to use other means of getting it” he said making me sick to my stomach.
He smirked at my reaction.
“Now now little mutt. Tell me or we might have to do this the hard way” he sang.
I spit on the floor. “Never” I said deathly.
Rika: Whoa, flashbacks to bad villain movies. Also, what kind of adjective is deathly.
Ade: It’s when you say it like you’re going to die, Rik- I give up. Sarcasm isn’t going to make this experience less unbearable.
RM: Oh wow, if Michael Foricenzi is such a big bad. Why doesn’t he just go straight to the hard way? Or just straight-up drain RJ of blood? You are wasting your vampire powers!
Ade: We gave up trying to understand why Wattpad vampires are so unvampire-like way back when we wanted to punch Prince Lawrence in the face.
Khan: BUT WHO IS JUSTIN
Crushed my eyes landed on the floor.
“I got the things boss” he said, his voice thick of a Russian accent.
“Let’s begin then shall we mutt?” Michael said amused.
“Bring it on” I said competitively.
No no no! What am I saying??
He laughed heartedly then his face became a wicked grin.
Rika: Ooooooh gay bondage rape time???
Ade: WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS STORY A GAY DUDE WHO LIKES SEXUAL ASSAULT AND FORCES RJ INTO THINGS AND WHY IS A DRUGGED-OUT BETA WEREWOLF KID WHO WEARS SPORTSBANDS SO SPECIAL
Rika: Everybody’s sexually attracted to RJ.
RM: This RJ or our RJ? Would be the same either way.
Ade: Is everyone going to be eskimo brothers by the end of this story?
Khan: I had to google eskimo brother. Thank you Ade, I learned something today.
I smirked. “How can you hurt me if i used to, or maybe doing it now and then but anyways, do that myself?” I said bitterly.
His face and the second man’s face went from confusion to understanding.
RM: Wait, what? Hey Michael Foricenzi, help me out here. I’m still stuck at confusion. What did he say?
Ade: Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
Rika: I’m actually disappointed that it didn’t turn out to be gay bondage rape time but a super lame torture scene which included puppies.
Ade: … what.
Pam: Yep. Right here.
He dragged me to another room in the same floor.
The next scene broke my heart. Pups were chained and lined up.
“We will electrocute to death a kid every refusal to answer. Do you understand?” Michael said from the middle of the room.
Ade: Dear author: This is a torture scene. THIS is where you put stuff in the peehole. Not in the middle of sexy times. Also, WTF, did puppies pee on your cereal or something? Why would you write such a thing?
Pam: Because she wanted to make sure she wrote this entire chapter out before doing her “homeworks”, Ade, read the author notes!
RJ: Just so we’re clear, this is a mob/mafia story, right? With werewolves and vampires. Gay werewolves and gay vampires. Urethra-licking gay werewolves and vampires…mafia.
Pam: I honestly don’t know anymore. Ten chapters in, and once more, the WAG team has so many questions.
Ade: And we’ve developed debilitating alcohol dependencies as well.
Khan: Speak for yourself. I’ve resorted to heroin and aluminum foil at this point.
RJ: Can someone make a table on the characters and their relationships? Are they all somehow related to each other? How many characters have had their peeholes licked?
Rika: When I’m not lazy, I might.
RM: To make everything easy: RJ gets violent almost-sex by mostly everyone except girls. I took notes, I’ll send you an email with spreadsheets.
Ade: This seems like an accurate diagram of all the character relationships:
Pam: Chapter 10 features an angry pack and Marcus swearing ala All 4 One to find his mate. Oh, and Adam found his partner for life, because saying mate would be redundant.
RM: How long is this double shit? Also, more werewolf pack laws! Marcus also adopts one of the pups what RJ saved. Yep, yep. Marcus is a kind-hearted bully who forgot that RJ, his mate, was kidnapped.
Pam: Chapter 11, doe…
I don’t know how many days have passed since I was here.
Right now I am their personal slave. A pathetic little punching bag.
“Get up bitch!” One of Michael’s man said. Its pointlessey drug me anyways.
There are two drugs, one so I can’t shift the other so my mind goes blank.
Another guy injected my second dose for today, or at least I think its still the same day.
“Little bitch! I think its time for us to have fun!” Another guy said.
I can not register whatever they just said. They laughed, or at least I think they did, and I don’t know why.
Suddenly the door opened and in comes Michael and of course following next to him was Dave. But there was another guy I didn’t notice.
“Two at a time boys” Michael said but like all times, my mind couldn’t register it.
Michael suddenly back handed me. “God I am so pissed” he said, voice laced with anger.
Next thing I know he was right in front of me, naked. Dave was behind me, also naked. They forced me on all fours, I think, then nothing.
My mind felt blank. Because it is blank. I know they are doing something, the mark in my neck burns, but I don’t know what.
The same happened with his other guys. Some would hit me if they got angry.
There were two guys right now, groaning heavily. And suddenly they weren’t there.
I just laid not knowing what’s happening.
I can feel myself getting lifted up. But after my 8th dose I don’t really know or feel anything.
Then like everyday, I pass out.
Rika: A “heroic bsod” rape scene. Not sure if disappointed…
Pam: Let’s be real, Rika. Do you REALLY want this author to get more descriptive?
Rika: Wishful thinking, I guess….
Ade: You want to make that passage bearable? Read it in an autotuned voice, like in those viral videos. That’s the only way I managed to hold on.
Rika: Is there a way to get GLaDOS to read this?
Ade: … or Stephen Hawking?
RJ: GILBERT GOTTFRIED
RM: I read this in a Home Shopping Network voice. Makes everything fine.
Khan: Here you go, guys:
Ade: Oh… oh my god, Khan.
Pam: So after that, things switch over to Marcus.
The mark is burning. Those bastards. I let my wolf take over since he now has a connection to our mate.
Eveyone was following me. It took about a good three hour sprint to get there. They hid him good.
I opened the door and everyone started attacking. All hell broke loose.
I took this opportunity to get downstairs. What I saw made my wolf and I shake with anger.
Two men were raping RJ. The rest were naked and knocked off. My mind was burning in anger.
Then I took notice of RJ’s eyes. Blank. Nothing. Not even a spark of enotion. No plea. Not even a recognition.
I quickly ripped the men off him and he collapsed. I easily killed the two rotten bastards.
Everyone here in this room is a deadman walking.
The higher ranks saw the sight and growled. Dwayne and Adam were the first to move killing men that were passed out naked.
I took RJ in my arms. He was still awake but his face was void of emotion. What did they do to him?!
“I got you baby” I said after shifiting and putting my shorts on. I dressed him in the extra clothes we have.
Suddenly his eyes closed. His chest was still moving up and down but in a very shallow and slow way. I immediately ran outside where the pack doctors decided to take camp.
“Oh my” Beta Samantha said.
Pam: “Oh my.” I like that.
Rika: But does she say it like George Takei?
RJ: WHO THE FUCK IS SAMANTHA?
Pam: This is starting to feel like Game of Thrones. That series has rape, and needs diagrams for characters.
Ade: RJ is void of enotion. Seriously, Marcus, why do you even bother? Your mate knows there’s a dangerous rapey vampire roaming around, one whose attention he attracted, and then he sneaks off because reasons. He gets into motorcycle accidents and gets himself kidnapped almost on purpose.
RM: My only take-away is that the vampire rapists didn’t lock the door.
Pam: And in another edition of excellent mood-breakers:
Luna suddenly got on her knees and hugged the nurse by her waist.
“Please save him”she sobbed.
“Luna, they are doing their best”
“Their best better bring out an alive Little J!” Dwayne shouted.
Ade: Dwayne, this is not the time to talk about RJ’s penis.
RJ: Yeah, stop talking about RJ’s penis, Dwayne! God!
Pam: The author had another great note at the end of this chapter, by the way.
How was it? Do you think I should make RJ habe ammesia? Or maybe even die? Or something extreme??
Thank you for the supprt!!
Pam: My vote’s on habing her kill RJ.
Ade: What does she mean by extreme? Will somebody say “triple shit” this time?
RM: You wanna know what’s more extreme than death? Reading this!
Rika: Sorry, I’ve been laughing nonstop, I can’t–
RJ: I also vote on killing RJ. And by RJ, I mean myself. Honorable sudoku to escape this story.
Khan: I vote that I habe ammesia, how many chapters do we have left?
Next week: We hit rock bottom! Ade nopes out! RJ gets amnesia… with a twist! We still don’t know who Dwayne or Samantha is! More characters than we want to care about! All that, and more on next week’s WTF Wattpad: Claimed by my Bully.